Entry 0076

Anxiety spike. Debating whether I should take a clonazepam or not, or maybe half of one. I haven't had caffeine in two hours, so the acute effects of caffeine should no longer affect me by now, but maybe it hasn't metabolized yet.

One possible trigger was that I had a social interaction in the fediverse earlier this morning, where other person boosted my question on the topic. This didn't bother me at the time, nor does it really bother me consciously at the moment, but I did dwell on it for a while afterward. It seems like the potential for social criticism that could possibly result from it kind of gnaws at me in the background. To be clear though, I appreciate the boost because it would help answer the questions I have about the topic. But another part of me is scared.

I plan on going for a walk outside today around noon. It would be nice if my bowels can move before then. I took a laxative last night, and my stomach has been kind of churning since I woke up this morning. Hopefully this means a bowel movement is imminent. Otherwise, maybe the physical exercise from walking will help get things going. I just hope I'm at least close enough to my house to make it to the bathroom if and when that happens.