Entry 0074

It is 5:30 am. I'm scared in the general sense.

I expect today to be a decent day, though. I'm going to visit my grandpa, and we'll have pizza and watch our shows. After that, mom and I will probably go to the T-Mobile store to get me a new phone. We didn't make it there yesterday because my sister and niece came over for dinner and spent the early part of the evening with us. I actually slept most of the time they were here, because I was up all night the previous night and needed to catch up. I slept for four consecutive hours without waking up, from 5 pm to 9 pm.

I need to work on my sleep hygiene. I think one significant factor that affects this is that I don't have a full-time job, so my energy during the day isn't spent in a way that is conducive to a common sleep routine. The result is that I have sporadic bursts of energy at unpredictable times and energy troughs in between, and it's kind of an uneven mess.

I can't handle a full-time job mentally, especially not in the tech industry. I've actually considered looking for a part-time manual labor job. It would keep me physically active, which would be good for my health, and I would make money doing it. The conservative societal resource officers who don't care about other peoples' internal experiences would approve of this, because I wouldn't be getting something for nothing, and I'd be contributing, at least somewhat, to GDP.

Almost exactly a decade ago (December 2015), I considered working at UPS part-time as a handler. I even went to the orientation at 5 am, but the person conducting the orientation made it clear that it is a very physically demanding job, and there would be no baby steps to keeping up with the physical demand. (They have a time table to keep, so it makes sense that they'd need workers who can meet the job's demands out of the box). I then decided that it's probably not a job for me, so I left the orientation at the next break.

I also would like to have a job with insurance benefits, but it looks like that's not going to be feasible. But a part-time manual labor job that isn't as physically demanding as a UPS parcel handler would be better than nothing. I'm thinking maybe stocking shelves at a grocery chain overnight would reasonably satisfy my personal constraints. Mariano's would be ideal, as my dad and my two brothers all worked there, and my family knows some employees at various locations. So I at least have that to my advantage. Given the circumstances of the hiring process, the general education level, and general wokeness level of grocery chain managers, I should probably never mention I have mental health issues, as that is likely to be taken the wrong way and misunderstood. We don't need no schizos schizzin' out on us during shifts when we're tryin' to get shit done.

Anyway, it's something to consider, at the very least.