Entry 0045

I don't usually have coffee after 3 pm anymore, but I had a cup at 8 pm, and it seems to have increased the "gravitational pull" somewhat, and I am back into some semblance of an orbit. Not quite 100%, but I have a feeling things will be back to normalish tomorrow morning. These sadness spells don't typically last.

One thing I've noticed has changed since I've been on a higher dose of Invega is that irritability spells have been dampened. My general stress level has been reduced. It's possible today's sadness/avolition spell is some consequence of that. I feel that caring about my special interests and anticipating a reward from pursuing them requires some ability to feel some kind of stress. I took clonazepam to calm the anxiety I felt earlier. It's hard to know for sure, but the sadness/avolition spell followed that. I often feel like I'm playing a game of delicate balances. I can't just be reliably stable the entire day. It's been only about a week since I've started a higher dose of 6 mg of Invega, so I probably need to allow more time for lasting improvement. With this sort of medication it's a matter of a few weeks to a month.