Entry 0036

When people who are not on the schizophrenia spectrum tell me, "Oh yeah I get paranoid too when I have THC", after I tell them why I can't have THC, I don't know how to respond. It's usually in a social situation where it would be inappropriate to casually talk about how THC worsens my psychotic symptoms and that consuming it in any form will undoubtedly incapacitate my grasp on reality. So I just nod and agree with them and hope the subject changes soon.

I obviously can't speak to their experience of what they say is "paranoia", but I'm pretty sure it's not anywhere near as debilitating as the psychotic paranoia I experience. The fact that they still do edibles or smoke cannabis despite experiencing "paranoia" suggests that they aren't deathly afraid of the consequences, which in turn suggests that it doesn't cause any significant distress or break from reality.

Since I've been on medication, I generally present as having a good grasp on reality, to where it doesn't occur to other people to question whether "I'm okay" or "out of touch". It isn't obvious that I have schizoaffective, and I'd bet some people would even be surprised to learn that about me. I don't talk about it much at all in person, with the sole exception of my psychiatrist. So, I guess I can't really blame other people for not seeing the difference.