Entry 0029
I think the paranoia is gone today. At least I don't have any ruminations or anything. I'm still real cranky and irritable. I went to the grocery store to stock up on coffee, and on my way out the door, a lady in front of me stopped to use her phone in the middle of the doorway, and it got on my nerves. If I had no filter I probably would have said "get the fuck out of the way what is wrong with you", but I just politely and soft-spokenly said "excuse me" and went on my not-so-merry way.
My eczema has flared up terribly. I should probably go see a dermatologist, but the last time I did, they gave me a prescription for a topical steroid cream and a special shampoo, neither of which did shit for my eczema and dandruff. I use the Vanicream with zinc dandruff shampoo which definitely helps with the dandruff. Maybe I could try using it on my ears every day when I wash the crust off and see if there are any results after some time. But the eczema is getting on my nerves too. I'm tired of having to decrustify my ears every fucking day and them constantly looking beet-red afterward.
My mom has been pretty non-toxic lately. My dad hasn't, and the sad thing is his toxicity is partly due to his ADHD. He's just so goddamned annoying sometimes. He talks loudly constantly. I go in the garage to smoke a cigarette and he's there watching C-SPAN, swearing and making snide bigoted remarks for everything Hakeem Jeffries says. I just want to smoke in fucking peace. I don't want to hear politics 24 fucking 7. He goes to the bathroom and doesn't wash his hands. I told my mom about it, and she confronted him, and his response was "Oh well". I don't want to drive with him anywhere, because he talks nonstop and usually about politics. He also has road rage and it gets so scary. My mom thinks it's sad that I don't want to drive with him anywhere. Well, that's the way it is, unless there's some kind of major intervention and he realizes how his behavior affects those around him. I'm just getting so fed up with living here.
I could go and stay by my grandma's house for a few days as a vacation from this toxic environment. I just don't want to burden her. She's usually pretty open and welcoming but it's possible that it still burdens her and she doesn't want to express it outright and make me feel bad.